‘That Tree’ Taught Me How To Let Go
Written and Photos by Ki-wan Lee, photographer
I first met ‘that tree’ during the winter of 2004. It is a Red Leaf Willow tree, about 30 years old, which rooted itself in the Yedang Reservoir. Standing alone in the middle of the wide reservoir, it reminded me of myself when everyone had gone to other places and I was left lonely without friends.
I sought out that tree when I came across difficult, frustrating times and later started taking pictures of it. That tree, which has stayed in the same place from the moment it rooted itself, always stood in its place whether it rained, the wind blew, or rough waves hit. It would bloom, grow new leaves, then show its bare branches, and bloom again. Like this, the tree kept growing little by little.
One snowy winter night in 2009, only that tree stood out in the world that had been covered by the snow. I was intoxicated by its beauty and started taking photographs. When I came back home and looked at the photos I had taken, I was shocked. The weather was so cold that about 20cm of the surface of the reservoir was frozen, but the tree had created a small pond around itself. The tree looked cold in the middle of winter, but it had actually been melting the snow with its warmth.
I started thinking that I want to live like that tree—a person who can be like that tree that waits and embraces birds that stop by to rest for a moment, a person who can melt anybody’s frozen heart.
I had a lot of loneliness in my heart. The desire to be loved had manifested itself as loneliness. As much as the tree consoled my heart, I was able to let go of the loneliness and start to look at myself for who I am rather than how others view me.
Previously, I had thought that others hurt me. What was really giving me a hard time, however, was no one other than my self. I could see myself so clearly, how shallowly, superficially, and pettily I had lived in order to not be hurt. What I had liked and loved was not that essence of who the other person is, but rather the other person who fit into the mold I had created for that person. So it was only natural that there would be clashing and pain between us if the other person didn’t fit into my mold. I just needed to let go of that mold.
That tree was so comforting because it just stood its ground having let go of everything, without pushing itself on me. I realized that I have to let go of myself in order to become a being like that tree to someone else.
Gradually, I wanted to capture what I thought of as the essence of that tree. When embellishments like educational and financial background are taken away from a person, that person will be revealed as s/he is. Likewise, I wanted to capture this tree in its most naked state, so I chose to take the photographs on foggy, winter days.
Slowly, I also made efforts to see people more for what they are. I wanted to get closer to what remains even after all the decorations are tossed out. When I let go of all my molds and treat the other person with an easy mind, I realized that is when the other person also shows his/her natural self.
The tree is even more dignified and liberated because it has let go of everything. That tree is what I want to resemble.
Ki-wan Lee was born in 1981 and grew up in Ye-san, Choong-nam. He works as a car mechanic and holds small photography gatherings. He first picked up a camera at 24 years old and started taking photographs of the tree in Yedang Reservoir and held an exhibit to display 6 years of photographs titled ‘Exhibiting the Tree’ in June 2010.
Source: maummonthly.com
